Burn the Pages
by alongthedistance
Summary: "Lucy, please wake up…" he said in a broken voice as tears began to run down his cheeks like rivers. "Lucy! Oh, Mavis, what have I done?" After the battle against Zeref and losing control of his demonic powers, Natsu has to deal with the consequences of his acts.


**A/N: Hi, everyone! I'm Sil (myentropicmess ) and this time I'm posting my submission for ft-angst-week alone. The first time I heard about the prompts, I chose this prompt all for myself, without co-writers, even if I had to die with this challenge. I was afraid to write some scenes, but I always had my lovely betas Sara (worshiperofunknownstories ), San (onlywordswithoutsense ) and Marta (mavis-118 ) by my side supporting me and making all of this possible... Is such a pleasure working with all of you. I also have to thank Sia and his flawless album "1000 forms of fear" for helping me in my moments of writer's block (the songs are so inspirational *-*).**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail Universe or its characters, they belong to Mashima sensei.**

* * *

 _Yesterday is gone and you will be OK_

 _Place your past into a book, burn the pages_

 _Let 'em cook._

* * *

It was nearly noon and Lucy Heartfilia was bouncing her leg up and down on the ball of her foot as she was sitting beside the writing desk of her bedroom, showing her uneasiness. She tried to finish one chapter from the novel she was currently writing, as an attempt to distract herself, but words didn't want to come to her mind. They'd never been late before and that was worrying her. What could have happened to them? Should she call Juvia and Gray to tell them about it? No, that only would put the ice mage in overprotective mode for nothing. Maybe the reason they were late was because classes had ended later than usual or because they had stayed a little longer with their friends. Yes, definitely that would be the reason.

While she was having those thoughts, she didn't notice that the door of the bedroom she shared with her husband got open. Neither when Natsu approached her chair and softly put his hands on her shoulders in an attempt to reassure her uneasiness.

"You worry too much," the fire dragon slayer said. "You know how they are. Maybe Haru and Ur got entertained on their way home and lost track of time. Moreover, they have their magic well mastered and they can overcome any danger. Have a little faith in them."

"How can you be so sure? At this rate they could have been attacked by only Mavis knows who and we are here, not helping them…" As Lucy was clenching her fists and looking at the ground, Natsu kneeled to put himself at her height.

"Hey, don't be so pessimistic." Natsu caught her right hand and kissed it to reassure her.

"And you… You don't be so relaxed about it!" she replied, retiring her hand and feeling how tears began to fill her eyes. The fire dragon slayer wasn't to blame for her sudden outburst and it pained her to see a hurt expression on his face, but, at that moment, she was reaching her limit. "I'm… I'm sorry, Natsu… I didn't want to… I'm just…"

"I know." He brushed her hair from her eyes to look at her. "Now we are going to talk to Gray and Juvia to try to solve this, alright? I promised to protect our family, remember?" he added, putting a lock of blond hair behind her ear.

"Yes…" she whispered. Concern didn't leave her just yet, but what she did know was that Natsu always kept his promises. And that occasion wasn't going to be an exception.

As she got up from her chair with Natsu's help and they went downstairs, they heard the bell of their house ringing. Thinking about the possibility that it could be Uria and their son, they looked at each other and ran to the hall, opening the door right after.

Even if she thought about the possibility and created different scenarios, Lucy freaked out when she saw the scene at the other side of the door. There they were. Haru and Uria. Harmed and covered in injuries. Without a second thought she rushed to their side with a concerned expression.

"Oh my stars! What have happened to you two?" Lucy said as she brushed Haru's blond hair, which had stains of his own blood on it. She also noticed bandages around his forehead and that one of his eyes was swollen.

"Nothing…" he answered, looking at the ground.

"Are you sure?" the celestial mage asked, putting her hands on his shoulders to encourage him. Lucy knew that, like his father, Haru often didn't share his concerns to avoid worrying her family and friends, so that would be a hard task. But she wasn't going to give up.

"No… Yes… It doesn't matter!" Haru kept his eyes on the ground as he started trembling. Not wanting to push him further, Lucy looked at Uria, who wasn't in a better shape. Her dark curly hair was disheveled and her face and limbs were wounded and stained in blood.

"We got on a fight, alright? It's not my fault that our high school is full of stupid brats," Uria said as she addressed her blue eyes at the sky and rested her back on the door frame.

"Ur!" Haru whined, looking at her with his watery eyes.

"What? Were you going to lie to them forever? You know that, at the end, they would find out…"

"It's not the right time to argue, alright?" Lucy said in a serious tone, startling the two of them. "Come in, it's freezing outside."

* * *

Lucy entered the living room, where Haru and Uria were sharing one of the couches and Natsu was resting on the armrest of the other, looking thoughtful. Their son often got in fights in the guild, but this time she felt it was different. And she knew that Natsu was thinking the same. The celestial mage gave the black haired girl her glass of water with ice and sat beside Natsu, who held her right hand between his, caressing it. Then, she looked at the pair. Haru was looking at the ground, bangs of hair covering his face and holding a glass of water frozen by his friend, to put it against his swollen eye. Where should she start? She didn't want to make them uncomfortable, but she did want to know why they were like that.

Suddenly, after drinking a sip of her glass of cold water, the dark haired girl coughed and put a lock of hair behind her ear.

"I know that you want to know about what have happened on high school today… And you obviously deserve an explanation so… I'm going to tell you…" She drank the rest of the water on the glass and began to bite an ice cube.

"Could you stop doing that? It gives me the creeps," Haru said, looking at her while he was nervously fidgeting with his shirt.

"I always do that, you should have been used to that at this rate," the dark haired girl replied, picking another ice cube from the glass.

"Guys, this is not the time," Lucy warned. "Please, Ur, continue."

"Ah, yes," she said, looking at her and scratching her nape. "The thing is that we were on recess this morning and there's this guy, which… You know… When the thing that happened to uncle..."

"When my END powers awakened and I lost control," Natsu said as he tightened his grip on Lucy's hand. "This doesn't look good…" Lucy thought, while looking at his concerned expression.

"Yes!" the dark haired girl replied. "Well, this guy lost his grandfather in that battle and he messes with Haru whenever he has the occasion. Usually we don't give two shits about him, but today he crossed the line… And…"

"Ur, your clothes," Haru said, giving her her shirt and shorts, which she had put off without noticing it, now only wearing her undergarments.

"Stupid Gray! I have his stupid habit because of him!" she cried, putting the clothes on her lap. It was useless to put them again, because she knew that unconsciously would strip again.

"What did he say?" Natsu asked with a serious expression and beginning to tremble.

"He… You see… He called him…"

"He called me a demon. That… That my father should have been dead because monsters didn't deserve to live in this world and so should mother for sleeping with him. He…" the blond boy said in a watery voice. "He said that a family of monsters shouldn't have existed… He…"

"After that he lost his shit and punched him," the dark haired girl added. "Then the rest of the people from his group started to beat him and all got out of hand..."

"Oh… I see..." Lucy sighed as she she turned her head to face Natsu, who had a dead look and a serious face. That wasn't a good sign. She didn't care about what people could say about her, but she knew that those harsh words could affect the fire dragon slayer and bring back the ghosts of the past. She thought about the aftermath of that horrid battle. The depression. The anxiety. The trauma. All the new demons Natsu had to fight on those years. She didn't want him to relapse after all they'd achieved. He didn't deserve that. "Natsu…" Lucy rubbed his knee with her left hand, trying to make him react. Suddenly, he startled and looked at her before lifting her right hand and staring at it with a pained expression.

"I'm sorry… I'm going… I'm going to go upstairs…" Natsu said in a low voice

as he left her hand and got up from the armrest to leave the room.

"Natsu!" She knew that it was useless trying to call him when he was on that state, but she had the hope that he would listen to her. The hope that he wouldn't go back to those past days.

After a few moments when any word was exchanged, the bell rang for the second time on that day. At that moment, Haru stood up from the couch, the iced glass still against his swollen eye.

"Mum… I'm going to my room… I don't feel like… Like giving more explanations today. I'm sorry…" Haru whispered as he looked at the ground.

"It's alright, we will talk later," Lucy replied with a soft voice, ruffling his son's blond hair.

As the celestial mage said that, she left the living room to go to the hall to open the door. Gray Fullbuster was waiting at the other side, wearing only his underpants in that snowy day of winter.

"Lucy… Is Ur here?" the ice mage asked. "We saw her entering from our house, but we thought that maybe you hadn't called before because you were having an important conversation and we didn't want to disturb you..."

"Yes… Yes, we had…" she replied absently. "She is in the living room, come in."

Gray entered the room and saw her daughter lying on the couch as she was chewing some ice cubes she must have made with her magic beforehand. When he approached to her, he could see that she was in her undergarments, all her body covered in injuries and stained in blood. After seeing her state, he rushed to her side.

"Ur… What have happened? Gray asked. "And why are you on your undergarments?"

"Look who's talking," Uria replied as she rolled her eyes. "And I got on a fight, no biggie."

"No biggie? Your body is full of injuries and it's no biggie?"

"Don't worry, Gray… I've got worse," the dark haired girl said as she stood up from the couch in a jump. "Now, let's go home… I'm sure that auntie and her family need some time alone. They will explain it to you later," Uria added as she approached Lucy. "Don't be harsh on Haru because of the fight… He was worried about upsetting you because of what have happened, but I think that you understand his situation. Thank you, auntie."

After they said their goodbyes and she closed the door, Lucy looked at the stairs that lead to the first floor, where the bedrooms were placed. She didn't thought that the ghosts of the past would come to haunt her family so early. They didn't deserve any of that, not after what they've been through. Once END defeated Zeref on that big battle, the years of the aftermath were the worst. Those long years when they had to cure not only the physical wounds. There were also the emotional ones, that were the ones that needed more time to heal. Having those thoughts, Lucy sighed. Now it was when the hard work began.

* * *

When Lucy reached the first floor, she approached the place where she approached the place where Haru's bedroom was. The celestial mage stopped herself before knocking the door. Would their son need more time alone? She didn't want to annoy him, after all. Then, she thought that if she didn't talk to him, he would surely be punishing himself for what he'd done. And it wasn't his fault. People could be harsh sometimes, hurting people because of things they couldn't understand. Lucy didn't care anymore about what people could think about her relationship with Natsu. She had plenty of that when she started dating him, hearing people bad-mouth them. But this time it was different. This time they were blaming their son for something he didn't do. And she couldn't ignore that.

Lucy knocked the door and entered Haru's bedroom. She could hear quiet sobs coming from the bed, where their son was lying, giving the door his back. After that, the celestial mage rounded the bed as she was caressing the quilt with her hand, in order to face him. It was worse than she thought: the blond boy was absently looking at the wall as he was embracing his red dragon plushie, which Juvia had sewed for one of his birthdays. She approached to him, caressing her forehead and brushing some strands of hair that threatened to cover his eyes.

"Is dad good?" he whispered as new tears were running down his cheeks.

"What?" Lucy replied with a soft voice. "Why are you asking that?"

"Is he good… Or evil?"

"Well, of course he is good. We explained you what happened in the past and our struggle in that battle against your father's powers. But one mistake doesn't make a man evil, and your father isn't an exception. He did so many things not only for me, but for his friends. He risked his life so many times to save our lives and ensure us a bright future. And that only shows all the goodness he has on his heart."

"But then… Why?" Haru said while sitting on his bed and embracing his plushie tighter. "What does dad have to do to gain their forgiveness? Why do people still say those harsh things about our family? Hadn't dad and you suffered enough?"

Lucy gasped as he heard those words from his son. So he wasn't doubting his father, after all. He was suffering for their pain. Haru and her kind heart didn't stop to surprise her. Holding her tears, the celestial mage sat on the bed beside the blond boy to round his shoulders with her arm.

"People have different ways to manage their pain of loss," Lucy added, cleaning the tears that her song was unable to stem. "Some try to keep themselves busy, making their best to move on with their lives; others will drown in regret, and a few of them will be satisfied addressing their anger to the ones they think they are to blame," she continued, rubbing Haru's back in circles. "We can't make them understand our situation, but we can't either allow them to crush our hopes and destroy our lives. You can't stop people from saying those things, but don't doubt yourself because of that."

"Oh, mom, I'm sorry…" he said in a watery voice as he continued to cry and embraced her tightly. "When I heard those words about us… I couldn't… I couldn't…"

"I know, darling, I know…" she replied, softly petting the top of his head. "But don't let their words harm you. I know it's difficult, because your father and I had been through it, but you have to understand that that's their own way to deal with loss and frustration."

"Thank you."

And they stayed just like that, hugging each other and enjoying the silence and the warmness of family invading their bodies until they could hear a voice yelling on desperation.

"Lucy! No!" Natsu's voice full of anguish could be heard from their room. "Oh, Mavis, what have I done?" he cried out loud.

"Not again…" Lucy said in a low voice with a face full of concern. "I will be right back. I need to check on something…"

After leaving her son with a soft kiss on his cheek, Lucy stormed out from his room to go to the one she shared with Natsu. She was right, past had come to haunt them again. But she wasn't going to give up so easily and she was going to fight for her family. Without thinking it twice, she opened the door. And then, the horror.

* * *

 _The pain. The anger. The fire._

 _Hell. If he could choose a word to define the situation his friends and he were living, that would be it. His training throughout that year, the support from his friends once he told them about that other part of him, his willpower… Everything. Useless._

 _It didn't matter all the dark guilds they'd defeated in the past. He knew the moment Zeref would appeared, the battle would be lost._

 _And so it was._

 _When the last enemies were defeated and they were ready to go home, Zeref appeared with a wicked smile plastered on his face._

 _"Oh my, long time no see. And now you're truly ready, Natsu Dragneel," he said, approaching to him._

 _"Don't listen to him, Natsu," warned Gray, who was at Natsu's side._

 _"Oh, but I think that he already knows what I'm talking about. From where did you think the power up was from, Natsu?" he said as he put off Natsu's bandages to show the marks he had on his arm. "While you were training, I opened the book, and now the only thing I have to do is give you a little push to awaken your true form and to do the task you were created for. The reason you suffered the demonization process. This is the end of the road, Natsu."_

 _"No… I won't let that happen…" Natsu whispered looking at the ground as he clenched his fists._

 _"I wouldn't be so sure… Let's see…" Without them noticing it, Zeref approached Lucy and put his arm around her neck._

 _"Let her go!" Natsu said, rage invading his body. "Do what you want with me, but don't hurt her!"_

 _"Oh, but then it wouldn't be so fun. I promised that I would give you more despair, and that's what I'm going to do." Suddenly, Lucy fell on her knees, yelling from the most unbearable pain as a dark aura surrounded the black mage._

 _Seeing the scene, Natsu, Gray and Erza tried to attack him only to be thrown to some ruins that were near the place with a soft movement from Zeref's hand._

 _"Gray-sama!" Juvia said, approaching the place where Gray was lying unconscious._

 _"If any of you dares to interfere, I will kill you," Zeref warned the rest of the mages. "Now then, I see that her contorting in pain isn't enough… What should I do? Internal bleeding?" the black mage asked moving his hand, making Lucy cough blood._

 _"Lucy!" Natsu shouted in despair, noticing how he was in the edge of his own transformation, feeling how new dark marks were burning his skin and a throbbing pain on his head was increasing._

 _"Natsu, it's alright..." Lucy said with a weak smile while looking at Natsu's red eyes. Right after that, she coughed more blood and a new wave of pain invaded her body, making her contort on the ground. "Don't… Don't give him what he wants…"_

 _"Well, I don't usually use weapons, but it seems that it's the only way…" Zeref created a black sword with his own magic. "Where should I use it? Here?" He put the blade on Lucy's neck, making a soft cut on her skin. "No, that would be a quick death..." Zeref moved the sword to one of her sides. "I think that this would be a better place. Will you let her die, Natsu Dragneel?"_

 _As the dark mage said that, he slowly pushed the blade forward, blood coming from the injury. Seeing that scene, all he could feel was how rage blinded him, making him tremble. He had to kill him, he had to give him the most painful death for hurting Lucy. His Lucy. Then, an intense pain invaded his body as the transformation continued: horns cut the way through the skin of his head, his nails growing until they became claws and scales burning his skin._

 _And with the rage and the unbearable pain, he lost himself, turning into the monster he feared to become._

 _When he regained consciousness, the first thing he saw was Zeref's body, quartered and burnt. Then, flashes of what had happened came to his mind. The rage. The pain. Him going berserker and killing the dark mage. Lucy. He remembered how, in an attempt to bring him back, she approached to him. But in that time he didn't recognize the celestial mage and attacked her with his claws, tearing the skin from her right hand and part of her arm apart._

 _"Lucy…" he whispered as he got up to find her. But all he could see was fire and the damaged bodies of his friends. "Lucy! Lucy!" he cried, moving the burnt debris and running as anxiety began to drown him._

 _Then, he found her lying on the ground unconscious. He couldn't have killed her, right? He wouldn't be able to live if he had done that. Natsu put the blonde mage on his lap, caressing her hair and shaking her lightly to make her react._

 _"Lucy, please wake up…" he said in a broken voice as tears began to run down his cheeks like rivers. "Lucy! Oh, Mavis, what have I done?" Natsu howled as he desperately tried to make her react._

 _"This isn't real…" Lucy said, opening her eyes and putting her hand on his cheek. "You have to wake up, Natsu. You have to come back…"_

 _"But… But you are hurt because of me. I'm a monster..." he replied, noticing how anxiety was pressuring his chest, not allowing him to breathe. Was he having a panic attack?_

 _"Here, touch the ground. It is cold, isn't it?" The celestial mage catched his hand and made him touch it. She was right, it wasn't hot like it should be because of the flames. But that didn't vanish his anxiety or lifted the weight on his chest that was choking him._

 _"Yes… But… But..." He looked at his surroundings, panicking._

 _"Shhh…" She softly brushed. his hair, trying to calm him. "Touch my hair. It doesn't smell of blood, doesn't it? And it has the one you have always liked."_

 _Natsu embraced her tightly and catched a strand of hair between his fingers. It should have been entangled and soaked in blood. But it wasn't like that. Lucy's hair was soft, it had that sweet smell of flowers and honey. He was having another of those stupid episodes. As he realized that, bit by bit he started to calm himself, anxiety slowly leaving his body._

And then, he opened his eyes.

* * *

Lucy was on the floor of their bedroom, embracing Natsu who, even if she had achieved to bring him back to reality, was still trembling and wetting her neck because of the tears. She hated seeing him like that, afraid of his own memories. And she was angry at those people who blamed him for something he couldn't control. When would they forgive him for what he had done? When would they stop reminding him what had happened that day? He had helped a lot of people, but they only gave importance to one dark episode that stained his life.

"I'm such a mess…" he said in a watery voice, separating himself from the hug to clean his teardrops with the back of his hand.

"Through thick and thin, remember?" she added, caressing Natsu's face with her right hand.

Then, he catched her right hand between his, looking at it absently. Scars from his claws deformed the tail from Lucy's guild mark and covered part of her arm. She looked how he caressed them with a pained expression on his face.

"I have always wondered why didn't you change the place of your guild mark after what happened."

"Why should I do it? I like it the way it is." As Lucy said those words, Natsu's red eyes from crying looked at her.

"It should remind you that time I harmed you. I won't be able to forgive myself because of that."

"I don't see it that way." The celestial mage move her hands to touch the profound dark marks that covered his right arm. "These scars are the proof that we overcame that battle and that we fought even if our odds were against us. You did your best given the situation and you shouldn't punish yourself because of that, Natsu. You fought against destiny with all your strength and that's what matters."

Hearing those words, Natsu embraced her tightly as he began to cry again and Lucy caressed his hair with his hand.

"Putting up with a crying mess like me," Natsu muttered against her neck. "Such a weirdo."

Lucy giggled and felt how her eyes were filled with tears too. After being a few moments like that, embracing each other, she separated herself and looked at him before closing the distance between them and laying soft kisses on his tears. Then, Natsu locked his lips with hers, moving them slowly. _"Oh, Mavis how much I love this woman,"_ he thought as he entangled his fingers on her soft golden hair. She was his safe place, his anchor, always bringing him home. And he wouldn't change her for anything in this world.

* * *

 _You're dark grey like a storm cloud_

 _Swelling up with rage that is desperate to be let out_

 _And I know it's a heavy load carrying those tears around_

 _Carrying those fears around, worry makes the world go round._

* * *

When they needed air, they broke the kiss and looked at each other. Lucy realized that, even if the physical wounds were part of the past, the emotional wounds would need more time to get healed. But she knew that, someday, he would be able to burn the pages of his past and write the new chapters of their lives without regrets. It would take time and hard work, but they weren't alone on that fight. And that last fact was the most important of all.

Because together, they were invincible.

* * *

 _So don't worry, don't worry I'm here by your side._


End file.
